Batman Pants

Originally posted 1/30/09


School was canceled for two and a half days, but Ian’s daycare was only closed for one. I kept him home until Wednesday afternoon, when I had to go to work. We both went a little stir-crazy but it was relaxing nonetheless. I stayed in my pajamas for two days straight, but Ian insisted on getting dressed immediately because his black jeans “look like Batman’s pants.”

Although we didn’t do much during our time off, Ian managed to develop another crafty little scheme. I mentioned in my previous post that he might be too smart for his own good, or that it might just be my own cynicism and paranoia. This past week reaffirmed both of those and further confounded the distinction between the two.

Ian came down with a cough.
But, I’m positive he only coughs when he wants my attention. Used to, when he would wake up before me, he would come into my room, stand by my bed and clear his throat while gently nudging the mattress. If I pretended to sleep he would eventually give up and go back to bed. Last week when he “woke up” to get some water, I told him not to get out of bed again, and apparently he took that to mean forever. So, the two days I didn’t have to wake up early for school, he woke up before me but stayed in bed. I was awake but tried to sleep in, and I could hear him clearly because our bedrooms are next to one another and the doors are always open.
Both days he would cough. It was only a little at first, but the longer he laid in bed, the more the coughing increased and the louder it became. It was the dry kind of cough that sounded shallow and extremely fake, like someone subtly trying to get your attention.

When I finally went into his room, I told him I knew he was faking. He looked up at me with big sad blue eyes and said in a meek whisper,
“Daddy, I don’t feel good.”
So, of course, I instantly felt like a jerk and got him some water. Then, he jumped out of bed and started playing. He didn’t cough again until later, after I mentioned that he had stopped coughing.

I think he has me cornered with this ploy. If I accuse him of faking, I’m a cruel father that doesn’t care about the wellbeing of my child. But, if I let him get away with it, I’m a sucker that falls for anything. The older Ian gets, the more I’m starting to realize that navigating a delicate balance of malice and gullibility is the essence of being a dad.