Lip Balm as a Metaphor

Originally Posted 1/16/09


This past weekend was nice. I finished up my intersession class on Friday and went from there to work until 8:30. I worked a double on Saturday, from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. So, on Sunday I didn’t do anything except hang out with Ian, and not worry about school, or work, until Monday.
Every Sunday at 9 in the morning I meet my ex-wife and Ian at Starbucks. We sit for thirty minutes, hangout, drink coffee – Ian drinks chocolate milk – and we have a genuinely good time.

Then, I get the car seat and we part ways, she goes to work, and Ian and I usually go to my apartment. We play, we watch movies, we nap, etc.

I just recently got a television, so lately I go home and watch Face the Nation and Meet the Press. This past Sunday Ian was sitting on the couch with me watching Meet the Press. Actually, I was watching it while he climbed all over the couch and me. Bill Cosby was one of the guests on the show. They were talking about parenting and they showed a clip of President-Elect Obama from last Father’s Day, talking about absent fathers.
“...Too many fathers are AWOL, missing from too many lives and too many homes. They’ve abandoned their responsibilities. They’re acting like boys instead of men, and the foundations of our family have suffered because of it. ”
As Obama spoke Ian stopped moving around and sat watching the television. As the panel on the show talked more in depth about the subject, another guest, Dr. Alvin Poussaint, made the point that it isn’t just about a single-parent home, or two parent homes, its about being a good parent.

I watched and listened. I thought about my life and the life my ex-wife and I have created for Ian. I thought about the hard work and the effort I have to give everyday, working and going to school. I asked myself if I was doing enough. And as I thought about this, Ian stuck his head in my face, grabbed my head and kissed me. Caught off guard I asked, “What was that for?”
With all of these thoughts swimming in my head, I thought that he was going to say something profound and then thank me for being a great dad.

Instead he grinned and said, “For giving me some ChapStick.”

I smiled and silently convinced myself that he was using the lip balm as a metaphor.

I get my kid Sunday through Wednesday every week. His mother and I are legally “Co-Custodial” parents, and lately we have been getting along great. Sometimes, when school is going full-steam and Ian stops napping at daycare – which usually happens at the same time every semester – things get really hard and I start having anxiety attacks on a daily basis. That’s when my time with Ian seems to last forever. Yet, there is never a week that goes by that I don’t wake up Wednesday morning and wish that I didn’t have to tell him good-bye and not see him for three and half days.