Hooray for the Shapes We're In

Originally posted 3/06/09


A week or so ago, Ian’s mom told me he got in trouble at school because he pushed a kid down and the kid got scratched and a little bloodied in the process. Apparently, the kid was picking on one of Ian’s friends.
My kid is a sweet, compliant and well-behaved little boy who would never intentionally hurt anyone. Somewhere along the way his mother and I have managed to instill a sense of judicious logic in him that prevents him from accepting the spiteful mistreatment of those he cares about.

On Tuesday Ian heard me talking about the Westboro Baptist “church” and their claim that “God hates the U.S.” and “fags.”
This is basically a cult that is made up of approximately 70, mostly related, people that espouse and vehemently advocate a doctrine of hatred and intolerance that is based upon a venomous interpretation of the bible. They picket military funerals claiming that the soldiers died because god hates homosexuals and he is punishing the U.S. because we tolerate and openly promote the “fag agenda.”
My four-year-old heard me talking about these people.

I didn’t realize he could hear me, but his ability to see, hear and absorb things is on par with most superheroes.
It doesn’t surprise me anymore when it happens, but it never ceases to amaze me.

He walked over to me with a very thoughtful and quizzical look on his face and asked me,
“Daddy, why does god hate people?”
I picked him up and set him on my lap and told him that god doesn’t hate people; he only loves people. Then I explained that sometimes sick and mean people think god hates, but they are wrong.

I’m not religious but I grew up attending a Baptist church (maybe the former explains the latter) and I am grateful that my parents forced me to go. As early as I can remember I attended Sunday school until the age where I learned how to ditch it without getting caught. At church I learned invaluable lessons of morality and the core elements of loyalty and integrity. However, Sunday school was also where I got my first lessons in hypocrisy and intolerance, but it was never from the bible or basic tenants of Christianity. It was from the actions of those that were teaching and preaching it. Regardless, I’m grateful for EVERTYTHING I learned there.

Much to the chagrin of his grandmothers Ian does not attend church or a Sunday school, and I have no idea what kind of concept he has of god. As much love as Ian has inside of him, and as much love as his family gives him, I have no idea what kind of concept of hate he has.

So I assured myself that he doesn’t really understand what he heard me say about the Westboro cult and their views on god.

The next night, on Wednesday, I tested him by asking him about god.
He told me,
“God loves people, but sometimes mean people think he doesn’t”

I was relieved to hear him say this.
But after he explained his thoughts on god, I realized that he seems to know that the opposite of love is hate. This made me pause, but thankfully he hasn’t been exposed to the harsh reality of real unabridged hatred yet.

When he is confronted with it I am confident that he will defend himself and those around him against it, the way he did with the bully at daycare.

After talking to him about god and love I read “The Shape of Me and Other Stuff” by Dr. Seuss, put him to bed and then called his mom. We talked about everything Ian. We are preparing to enroll him in pre-k, and now we are talking about taking him to Sunday school somewhere. We have a lot of work to do. It becomes more and more obvious everyday that he got the best qualities of our DNA, and he is inherently a good person that makes his parents’ jobs easier than it should be sometimes. As much as I like to think my son is special, I know that most kids are good. It’s the adults they learn from that ruin it.

Ian gives me hope in the face of the misguided ignorance that the Westboro Baptist Church preaches, and regardless of the shape he turns out to be, he will be loved.